I’m not going to compete anymore.
I’m walking away now. It’s no longer worth it.
There is no competition.
I don’t see it that way. We’ll get through this.
I don’t want to explain so much but I know on my part, I’ve been wrong. And I’m learning and changing.
I wasn’t intending to walk away from you forever, I just didn’t want to confront this proper after you berated me and I felt hurt. I couldn’t take it, I felt like you took me for granted. I was angry, but my pride was also injured. I felt like it wasn’t worth it anymore. Just like how you’re feeling now. I walked away from this first, but the viscous cycle continued.
I could wish I had stayed, but I can’t change that. I heal and I forgive you every time you hurt me because you’re not perfect and neither am I. I love you, and you love me. And I see that, and that’s more important to me. We’re still learning to deal with our demons. This is all worth it even if it doesn’t go the way we wanted it to at the start. I accept.
It came to me that what we are doing is senseless,
Why are we “fighting” each other to be together or not, when we know that we love each other?
And maybe there’s a whole load of stuff that stays in the grey area, but I don’t wanna over-analyze for conclusions anymore. I’m so tired of that, the future is blurred, all I have is now. We’ll work things out along the way, things don’t always stay the same. So I’m gonna make the best of it.
Maybe we won’t end up together now or ever. As friends, perhaps our relationship just won’t be like others.
But my heart is with you. I didn’t give up on you.
I don’t think you’re bad or that I judge you. If it seemed like did, I was hurt or angry and needed to speak my mind. And that’s one weakness I’ve realized I need to improve on.
If you realize too, why this just didn’t work out…it’s because we hold on too much onto our hurt and forget that we love each other. So I learn, no more harsh words, no more feeling of rejection or suspicion, throw away all the negative thoughts, I’m trying to understand. We’re good people and we’ll both be greater persons, I believe that even if we get fucked up at one point or another. Life.
And perhaps it’s good that you decide to walk away, to end this. We’d stop analyzing so much, once you stop paying so much attention to what I do online and I to you.
The bigger picture is knowing that it’s love that we have for each other even if you don’t feel it is the same as before.
I’m not holding on to hurt anymore. I’d like you to stay, don’t stop loving me.
But not here. No. I’m leaving here too.
I embrace change. And it’s fine.
Life. I’m looking forward to what remains of us beyond our life on the web, if we do meet each other ever again.
Some other place. Some other time then.
You’re still my friend, my first love
and I’ll always love you.
