(by tigerinthedark)
I’m here! I’m here!
So we’re friends again?
I’m so thankful. :)
This morning I was asking myself the same Q, what kind of romance is this?
And it made me laugh, in a good way. Unheard of, I think we’re really special. Complicated, dramatic, complex, amazingly so…all of this. Ours.
I do still care about you, I don’t know how to show it. Or if you’d like me to. I do, I do. I’m scared, I will come off as smothering, or getting too close, or that I have some kind of hidden motive.
I usually just let people figure out stuff or cope on their own unless they seem to ask for help. I’m worried about invading personal space unless I feel the need to…
Why are you partially content with our status?
I think I am partially content too but I’m telling myself to be patient and that whatever that’s meant to happen will happen (ok, not much of assurance maybe. i’m a half fate person and half shape your own future person). But I think, it’ll be fine… we have holidays and we have some time to warm up again and eventually, we’ll get somewhere hopefully (like speaking again in real life!).
I still like you. I like you the way you are.
Sometimes, I try to step in your shoes and see things in your point of view. I’m pretty much like that, always studying people and finding out how it feels to be them. I know people make mistakes and sometimes when I am not emotionally overwhelmed I try to understand how and why again. I don’t know everything about you but sometimes I do know how you feel and why you do the things you do. Most times, I just don’t know what’s going on with you because we’re different people. Just simply that, we’re different. But I respect differences in people, I think it’s what makes the world so… brilliant and interesting. I don’t want clones of myself, it’s scary. I think I am scary to people, I can be scary.
My personality is kinda…branched out. Unconsciously, I can be other people…it feels like roleplaying and stepping into other people’s head but it’s really just me. Today I was being the quiet observer. I love just being by myself and watching people and it feels sad to be on my own at some point of time when I see couples around me but I get thrills from that. I get thrills from feeling emotion. I think it gives me great insight.
Sorry for digressing to myself and my day, it seems like I’m getting a bit too comfortable already but I just, feel like I can talk to you now.
I like you. Always will and have, no matter how angry or whatever I get with you. We are imperfect and we’re still learning. We can change. But at the same time, we’re still the same people inside. I love you.
And don’t be scared. I’d like you to talk to me. I’d love to just listen to you talk. I will listen. Thank you for listening to me and giving me a chance. This really means a lot to me. Sometimes I feel like I talk to much and in turn I’m not listening enough to you. Sorry if you feel like that, tell me, I will talk less here or do something about the content of which I speak about.
I have many things locked in me that I do not say because I am female and I get embarrassed and scared I will injure my female pride. But I’m a very honest open person too so sometimes these things just come out and I laugh over it, I like laughing at myself. I am naive that way (my impulsive honesty), and prone to being taken advantage of but… I try not thinking so much about it.
OK here’s one: Today I watched this recent alien movie alone and I wished you were watching with me, it was really gruesome but meaningful at the same time. And this is the embarrassing part: at one point I just totally zoned out to my world where I thought of you and I just teared because you were not there with me. Okay, pardon my imagination.
I want you too but it seems like I can’t have you just yet or that I will never have you. But that’s alright, I can deal with not being with you ever. I have you here for now in “weird internet friend mode”, and I’m just thankful for this. Thank you. :)
