alotlikelove:
Theres an empty space and when all you can feel around you is air, but somehow you can’t seem to breathe.
When someone tells you how it really is, and it so clear that it stings, yet everything suddenly goes out of focus.
Like when you’re aching to reach out, to grab hold of that hand, but you’re scared of what you’re risking.
When you realise you no longer have a choice. When you realise you have to look forward, because looking back is unbearable.
http://magneticheartbeats.blogspot.com/
I’m tired.
Will this ever end?
Please, I wish not to fly away. I am just tired of living my life in my computer screen. And I say and post all the wrong things out of impulse, and all the misinterpretation that occurs.
I just want to delete my life away from WWW. now.
It’s going insane. I have to separate my personal life from virtual reality. I do not want to live only in your computer screen.
I’m tired, and I need to know you in person.
Ironically, I keep coming back here to communicate.
But I hope you understand.
I hope I don’t ever have to return here to talk.
So see you around.
I’ll try not to hurt you again.
I’d like to be on good terms with you.
Things will turn out to be fine eventually.
You probably think I’m a big liar (pls don’t accuse me!) and I don’t understand why because what I post here, I do mean them when I wrote them out. Know thoughts change over time. But love remains the same.
alotlikelove:
I’m walking away now. It’s no longer worth it.
There is no competition.
I don’t see it that way. We’ll get through this.
I don’t want to explain so much but I know on my part, I’ve been wrong. And I’m learning and changing.
I wasn’t intending to walk away from you forever, I just didn’t want to confront this proper after you berated me and I felt hurt. I couldn’t take it, I felt like you took me for granted. I was angry, but my pride was also injured. I felt like it wasn’t worth it anymore. Just like how you’re feeling now. I walked away from this first, but the viscous cycle continued.
I could wish I had stayed, but I can’t change that. I heal and I forgive you every time you hurt me because you’re not perfect and neither am I. I love you, and you love me. And I see that, and that’s more important to me. We’re still learning to deal with our demons. This is all worth it even if it doesn’t go the way we wanted it to at the start. I accept.
It came to me that what we are doing is senseless,
Why are we “fighting” each other to be together or not, when we know that we love each other?
And maybe there’s a whole load of stuff that stays in the grey area, but I don’t wanna over-analyze for conclusions anymore. I’m so tired of that, the future is blurred, all I have is now. We’ll work things out along the way, things don’t always stay the same. So I’m gonna make the best of it.
Maybe we won’t end up together now or ever. As friends, perhaps our relationship just won’t be like others.
But my heart is with you. I didn’t give up on you.
I don’t think you’re bad or that I judge you. If it seemed like did, I was hurt or angry and needed to speak my mind. And that’s one weakness I’ve realized I need to improve on.
If you realize too, why this just didn’t work out…it’s because we hold on too much onto our hurt and forget that we love each other. So I learn, no more harsh words, no more feeling of rejection or suspicion, throw away all the negative thoughts, I’m trying to understand. We’re good people and we’ll both be greater persons, I believe that even if we get fucked up at one point or another. Life.
And perhaps it’s good that you decide to walk away, to end this. We’d stop analyzing so much, once you stop paying so much attention to what I do online and I to you.
The bigger picture is knowing that it’s love that we have for each other even if you don’t feel it is the same as before.
I’m not holding on to hurt anymore. I’d like you to stay, don’t stop loving me.
But not here. No. I’m leaving here too.
I embrace change. And it’s fine.
Life. I’m looking forward to what remains of us beyond our life on the web, if we do meet each other ever again.
Some other place. Some other time then.
You’re still my friend, my first love
and I’ll always love you.
That was a polite way to put it… I thought as a friend, you’d listen and try to understand… but I guess not. You either took it as a form of a personal attack from me to you or you really just do not want my inputs at all. Maybe I was starting to expect again. If that’s the case, my bad. I’m sorry. It seems like we’re not bringing out the best in each other anymore and I do not want to cause anymore harm and confusion. Out of mutual best interest, I feel it’s best we take a break from each other and really move on this time. So I’m gonna shut up from now on, I won’t haunt you anymore. Best wishes.
I changed the blog name! The previous one was randomly created and had no link to you and I. Ardour Amity, a hope for our future. A prayer. Or at least a nicer name. :)
alotlikelove:
portiaism:
(via blogsecret)
Good morning, its 10.08am. I’m back I’m back! and I’m gonna keep breaking your heart if you keep thinking I will, so please don’t. If you ever feel offended by the things I post up in my other blog, please try not to. I like to post stuff that makes me think and inspires me or just stuff I like. I hope they are useful to others too. So don’t take it too personally, alright? :)
And friend, I have to be honest with you, I’m not approving of your motive of posting naked woman. It’s not a good motive to me not a good thing to me, but in the end, it’s your choice. Yep, just to let you know.
And you sort of shocked me yesterday. I don’t want to fuel your “fire”. It’s not gonna happen, because I believe in marriage and I respect myself. If you want me badly enough, you will have me in the end.
We get to enjoy the benefits of being friends with each other though. Yeah, like hugs! I like hugs. You like hugs? Most of all, an understanding listening ear, being able to spend time with each other and having a shoulder to lean on.
…I know you love me and, I love you too but I’m not gonna think about intimacy. I’d like to be in your arms again and you can always hold me for as long as you’d like, but that’s all that’s gonna happen. Hope you respect this decision of mine.
<3
alotlikelove:
But I have cut you out of my thoughts, and banished your memories, becuase it hurts to much to think of you, but the fact I can’t even allow myself to think of you when I love you so much, that hurts me more.
It doesn’t have to hurt.
I don’t think you should suppress yourself like this. It’s okay to think of me.
I think of you all the time, I remember our memories even if it’s bittersweet. I’ve come to accept it, and I hope for the best for our future.
I love you, and I’ll be behind you.
Think of me but as a friend you love deeply.
When you look into the future, where do you see us? Friends still, great friends?
Work towards that, dream of that.
Love me like that.
Whatever happens, we’re friends first.
Wait, do we share the same vision? We need to, if not things will clash again. Let me know where your heart & mind wants to go, we’ll figure it out together. But I think friendship is always first. And trust, building trust.
And keeping yourself busy might help. Go out, meet friends, learn something new, do good, breathe and do things that will keep your mind off me or other hurtful/negative things.
I’ll be sticking around, by your side, don’t worry.
It doesn’t have to hurt, take it slow.
